Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
