You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
this will be a night to untag.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
