dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
