No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
