I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
