remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Your dad touched me again.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
