she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
