Fine. I'll sleep in my office
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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