So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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