No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
