I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
