At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
