there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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