I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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