remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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