then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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