You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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