There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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