Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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