I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
