I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
