nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
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