it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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