its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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