god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
