Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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