ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
there is glitter all over my balls
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
