She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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