i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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