Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
