Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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