I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
