how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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