I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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