Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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