"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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