Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
