You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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