Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
