I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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