i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
