Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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