You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
