She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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