he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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