oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
