I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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