I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
