Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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