rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
