Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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