I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
